dancing in the rain

I know it has been a little while since I last posted, but I have been thinking about what to post and I wanted it to be more than just another post. So I have decided to share a little of what has been on my mind lately. Since have been back from Argentina, I have been thinking about how lucky I am to know about the Bible and to have received the blessings that God gives and how a lot of the people I came in contact with, don't. But then I got to thinking more and realized that I don't trust God like I was trying to get the people of Argentina too and I am not content. I want to be, but I am not. This is something that I really struggle with on a daily basis. I am afraid to put my complete trust in God and I have not been praying risky prayers because of that. I keep asking myself what has he done that has caused me not to trust him, and my answer is always nothing. Then I ask myself, so what is it the problem? and that is where I get stuck every time. I don't know what the problem is, I don't know why I can't be content with who I am, and the fact that maybe this is where God wants me to be. I need to be happy with that (and I mean sincerely happy) I don't know why when I am low on money, I don't let God take care of it or when I am struggling with personal issues, why I don't let God take it. Why can I trust that is would be so much easier than trying to do it by myself?
I need to quit pretending I have all the answers and confess I need God's help. Eccelesiastes talks about this a lot. That nothing satisfies self without God and being broken inside gives us a need for God's help. I just have to seek it!

Can anyone tell me why this is so hard? And does anyone have any suggestions on how to be content and let God take care of me? or how to better trust him?

My prayer is:
That God is where my meaning comes from. I want to be in awe and humbled by God and let him direct me.