Fall Retreat

Friends @ retreat
Originally uploaded by gerbdaisies.
This weekend, I spent time at a retreat at the Tishomingo State Park with our campus ministry. The topic was Luke's Impossible Mission. I was reminded of why were are here on this earth and that is to seek and save the lost!!
We had lots of great discussions on how to get out of the sheep pin and be seekers for Christ.

I now ask myself, What am I doing to bring others to Christ?


How do we achieve true happiness? How can I be happy? And what makes me unhappy and can I prevent it? These are questions I have been asking myself lately. I often sit and think, where would I be if I had done things differently about 5 years ago. Most of you know that I took 3 1/2 years off from school to work and to try to get my life in order after a few trials. But this decision has haunted me every since I made it. You see, I was at a private Christian school for my freshman year but I was "unhappy" so I decided to return to Oxford and go to Ole Miss. Due to this decision, I lost a semester's worth of hours and the major that I wanted was not longer offered about mid way through my sophomore year. To make a long story short, I have been haunted by people asking me why I didn't stay at Freed-Hardeman ( with the comment to follow you could be married by now if you would have stayed), when are you going to graduate?, but it doesn't stop there. I deal with comments like your younger sisters are all going to graduate before you; why don't you date, you are never going to get married, then there is always the flip side when you get married, and the most common one lately is you will never move out of Oxford, you are always going to work for your dad.
So I guess you are wondering where I am going with this. I have struggled with depression in the past and have a fear of struggling with it again. But I am really struggling with what makes me happy and wondering why if I am happy why can't people be happy for me. For example, being single is not always easy (especially when you have two younger siblings that are married), but a lot of the time I enjoy being single and being able to go and do the things I enjoy without having to check-in first. I will admit that there are times when I would like to have someone to go and do all the things I enjoy with me. But I feel like the people around me are more concerned about the fact that I am not married. Then there is the whole leaving Oxford and finding a new job thing.. I do want to get out of Oxford, but every time I hear you aren't going anywhere it makes me want to leave that much more just to prove a point, but then I question am I doing this because it is what I want and it will make me happy or am I just doing it to prove those around me wrong.
I can't change the decision I made to come back to Oxford for school, or the decision to take time off from school. I will never know if I had stayed at Freed, that I would be married. I don't know where I would be if I had finished school 5 years ago.
But I do know that I will graduate in December and that I will finish what I started almost ten years. I am looking for jobs outside of Oxford, but I don't know if that will happen. Being single is the point I am at right now, so I have to accept that.
Now that I have rambled on, back to my question...
I want to be happy more than anything and I want to be content with the decisions that I made in the past and make the most of them now, but I am not sure exactly how to do that. I think my biggest problem is that I want what I can't have and it is starting to consume me.
I have tried to be reliant on God and trust that he knows what is best, but I am sad to say that the voices around me are louder than His.
How do I keep those decisions from the past from haunting me? How to I rely on God completely?
I know that the answers are not easy, but maybe someone has some advice to help guide me in the right direction.

Well football season is here and we are off to a start with a win! Not necessarily a good or great win, because it was Memphis and not a SEC team (which are the ones that count the most). But the Ole Miss Rebels gave us a scare as usual by putting the game on the edge with the score being 10-6 the Rebels allow Memphis to get to the 10 yard line in attempt to make a touchdown to put them ahead of us. But the Rebels didn't let us down... they got an interception in the end zone to end the game. I must say I was on the edge of my seat most of the second half. But welcome to Ole Miss football.
I love this sport!!! A nice end to Labor Day.

As everyone knows, a hurricane hit south Mississippi early this week and destroyed most everything in its path. No one can tell you how this feels, because there is nothing that can compare to one day having the comforts of home and the next day not knowing where you will end up next or having a place to call home. I did/do not have family on the coast (blood relatives that is), but I do have spiritual family there. My best friend lost not only his home, but the places that he used to hang out with friends, favorite restaurants as well as just the comfort of things familiar. His home town will never be the same again. I guess my struggle now, since I have never been in his shoes or felt the way he feels, how do I help him? what do I say to make things better? I have prayed for him and his family (which is family is safe). I have told him that I am here for him and that I feel for him, but where do I go from there? I have this inner pain that I wish I could take it all away, but I can't.

I realized through all of this how life is so unpredictable. We never know what will happen or even if we will be here another day. Which as also made me realize how much I complain, when I really don't have it that bad. I have a place to sleep, food to eat, friends and family that care about me and a God that will never abandon me. I have never lacked for anything that I could not survive without. I have always had more than I could ever need. But everyday, I struggle with complaining and unhappiness. This week has been a real wake up call for me.

Most of all, I have been reminded of the power of God. If he can create a universe so overwhelming and storms so powerful, then I should have the security knowing that he can take care of me no matter what comes my way. I just have to put my faith and trust in him. Nothing is impossible with God.

To all those who have lots loved ones, and/or all their belongs my heart goes out to you. I pray that time will heal and that you will have the strength to make it through this difficult time. Know that you are loved and being prayed for.

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