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Yesterday and today were stressful days. I am trying to be thankful and find reasons to be content with things the way they are....but I have to say that is not easy. Sometimes I feel like I am trying to do the right thing, but I am always unsuccessful. Right now, I am at a point where I don't know what do to and don't know what is the right thing to do. God and I talked today and I told Him that I want to do what He wants me to do, but I am not always sure what that is. I want to give myself totally to Him, but there is always a "but"...why is that? Like but my faith is not strong enough?, but why me?, but..but..but..I keeping trying to tell myself instead of asking but's..ask why nots? Why is my faith not strong enough..why not me? When I really get to the bottom of it...there is no excuse. There is no reason why it should not be me and there is no reason that my faith should not be strong enough. God has never given me more than I could handle and He has never left me! So the truth of the matter is that the problem is in ME! So how do I change this? I am at a point where I don't where to go from here. I want to let go and let God so bad...why can't I do it? Just a few thoughts that have been on my mind lately...if you have any advice I am open for help.

Today I am thankful for:
Casey and his patience and for the time he gives to listen to me..Thanks Casey!
Songs that encourage me to keep going
Hugs when you feel like you can't go anymore
God for not giving up on me

I hope that everyone is having a good week!!! Remember if we are suffering for Christ it doesn't have a sad ending...we will one day have a home with Him in heaven! (where there is no drama :) )

One day down and nine more to go. I will feel much better when this day is over, because most of my projects are due tomorrow. I am going to be working late tonight, so I am glad for a short day tomorrow. I got a good run in today to vent our some stress, while working on my fiqure for my sister's wedding in April so I feel like I at least accomplished something today. I am still working on being thankful in everything and I am not doing so good right now. I need to have a more positive attitude, which is what I am working on this week!!

But I am thankful for:
God being patient with me and picking me up when I fall
Friends that are willing to listen and give me advice
Parents who are there for me and set a good example of how a Christian should live
A church family
The opportunity to get an education
The trust people have in me to do the right thing, and will support me even when it is not the cool thing to do
Christian friends around me to help me in my christian walk...since it is not always easy being a stranger in the world
Reliable transportation
The ability to run, to take out my stresses and talk to God

I hope that everyone is surviving the last week of thankful we are one day closer to Christmas break!

Well it is Saturday that means that it is back to same ole same ole tomorrow. The week has ended on a good note. Dave and I went to Memphis on Friday night and picked up Bryan (former ucsc resident...but an honorary one to us), so that we could all hang out. We had a blast...playin a little ping pong and eating a little Conan for Bryce...stayed up really late..but that didn't stop us from enjoying the Egg Bowl (even in the rain and cold) since we beat State...we are officially not the worst team in the SEC West. I am already lookin forward to next year! Go Rebs.

I have made progress on my book, but I still have a long way to go until it is finished. Monday will be a extra busy day. I will have to finish my painting tomorrow and then my stress will be on the lower side, except for the fact that finals are week after next..but after that I am home free until January 18th.

I hope that everyone had a wonderful break!!!

Today I am thankful for:
Friends that are always there for me when I need them
Ability to go to football games (money, time, etc.)
A warm place to come home to
Someone to tell me that they love me (parents, friends, family (spiritual and physical)

Wading in the Creek
Originally uploaded by gerbdaisies.

Today was a day of lots of family. We had over 50 people at my grandparents house for lunch. It has been about 2 years since just about everyone (yes, that is not all of the family) was able to be together. I realized today that I am getting older..because my little cousins are doing what the cousins my age and I used to fishing, riding the four wheeler, going to see the cows with Poppy ( riding on the tailgate)....let me take a minute and tell you see who would get first dibs on the tailgate..but the tailgate was fun because Poppy would stop really fast over the creek and try to throw us off..I went wading in the creek many times....back to the things we used to hide and seek...go in and out of the in the creek..riding our bikes down the drive...climbing trees. Good memories...sometimes I wish I could do that all over again, because my cousins and I have grown apart. We are all at different stages in our lives...but the saddest part is that the differences are not just in physical aspects such as marriage, children, school and jobs, but in spiritual aspects. There are several of my generation that do not have a close relationship with God anymore and do not go to church like we did growing up. I pray that they will put God back in there life, because everything else will work itself out.

I am thankful for family. I prayed that we would all be able to get past our differences and celebrate our similiarities and I felt like that happened today. I could see people laying aside their grievances to have a happy thanksgiving. A big thanks to my grandparents for setting such a wonderful example and raising Godly children. I love you guys very much!!!

I am so blessed...and today I am thankful that God is an active in my life and that I have a family that loves me.

I have so much stuff to do and don't know where to I haven't exactly begun yet. Which brings to mind doing what I want when I want. I got my haircut today and found out that my beautician is moving again. (but i think this could be a good thing...because it will be cheaper) I have been chattin with friends.. learning a lot about life and just hangin out. I have been working on my graphic design project (which I think is going to be a great success when it is finished) But today will be the last day for doing what I want when I want for a while, since my sister is coming this afternoon and thanksgiving dinner is tomorrow...but I have enjoyed it while it lasted and will look forward to it again in the near future. This thanksgiving will be like the thanksgivings I remember while growing up only I am part of the older generation. We have several new additions to the family, so it will be an interesting one with all the new little people to keep an eye on.

Today I am thankful:
Relaxing week (sleeping in ...right Bryan)
Sean keeping me company at the gets lonely when everyone goes home for the holidays and summer
My sister, Gena coming for a visit.
We were safe in the storm last night
Safe travel from my extended family coming to Oxford for thanksgiving
Uncle Doug is doing better after surgery
Opportunity to get an education
Family support of me and my goals to get an education
I have lots to be thankful for...I hope that I will never lose sight of that even when I have a hard time being thankful.

I hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving!!!

Today was a good day. I have dedicated this to be drama free week! So I am not letting anything (drama wise) ruin my break. And so far so good. I got a few things accomplished but for the most part I did nothing. Sean and I watched the Punisher tonight. It was very interesting. The punisher is very creative in his revenge tactics. It was overall a good movie, other than some painful circumstances that the victims were in. But on a lighter note, we watched Star Wars too and it is just an all around great movie!! (can't wait to see episode 3, which is coming out pretty soon)

Today I am thankful for:
Good health and lots of rest
Friends that make me laugh
God answering prayers as needed

Jesus died for us, the least we could do is live for Him!!

Have Faith!

My Favorite Nephew
Originally uploaded by gerbdaisies.
This is a picture of my nephew, Davis at the Fall Hayride talking to Matt "Soko" ( a friend of mine). I was thinking today about faith and trust. When Bob was preaching this morning about the Thanksgiving catalog of things that God has to offer and how He has a love for us that won't let go. That is something to be thanksful for. But while I was thinking about this...I was thinking why am I afraid to trust God? I told someone the other day that I must be nieve but I will trust most anyone until they give me a reason not to trust them. But the catch is...GOD HAS NEVER GIVEN ME A REASON NOT TO TRUST HIM...So What is My problem? Just a thought I have been pondering.
I wish I could put my trust/faith in God the way my nephew puts and will put his faith and trust in his parents that they will take care of him.

Bob said today: Stop chopping wood and sharpen the ax...take time be with God and you will get to know him...which will build that FAITH and TRUST I am talking about.

Originally uploaded by gerbdaisies.
Scare-A-Crow, Charlie Brown, Lady Bug


Originally uploaded by gerbdaisies.
Hangin Out at the UCSC after church.

Originally uploaded by gerbdaisies.
Building a house for a family in Oxford. (Rena, Carla and I)

Originally uploaded by gerbdaisies.
Having fun at the Tennessee Game!


Originally uploaded by gerbdaisies.

SAT-urday! exactly what it says...all I have done today is "sit" around. I watched a lot of football, which is once again the going thing for me on a usual Saturday. I have done a few laundry and eat..and work on scrapbook pictures..but that is about the extent of the day.

It is quiet around the center..which is one of the signs that everyone has gone home for the break!!

God is always working...even on days of relaxation.

Today at 1:45 officially began my thanksgiving break. After a quiz and a big deep breath...I decided to relax and take it all in. Tonight, I went with a few of my friends to Memphis to see the movie National Treasure. It was a great movie! (although we thought for a moment we were in the wrong theatre because they started playing Sponge Bob Square was pretty funny to see everyone looking around to see if they had made the mistake, then lots of people got up and left, but returned shortly with the news that we were in the right place and the right movie would start soon.)

We took Mullet on his first trip to Memphis. (In case you haven't read my other posts...Mullet is Sean pet lion and the center mascot...well our mascot. He had a lot of fun, but we took him back to the car after the tour around Memphis because he is too young to watch the movie.

Sean asked us today what were we afraid of? I said that I was afraid of the dark and heights but beyond that I am afraid of letting go and letting God. I have decided that I need to work on my faith, so that I will put all my trust in God since he obviously knows best.

Tomorrow is going to be a relaxing day as well (most everyone has left the center for the break, so it will be quiet)...I plan to begin my assignments that are due after the break on Monday.

I am thankful today for:
Friends and the hugs they give
My uncle came out of surgery ok
No school next week

Today I am thankful that it is one day closer to the weekend. I have finished all assignments due before the break, so I am ready to enjoy the weekend before having to work on assigments due after the break.

But I wanted to ask a question?
You know that feeling that you get when you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Well I had that feeling last night when my adopted mom came up and said I prayed for you last night. I told her I knew someone had been praying for me because I felt different. God has answered so MANY prayers for me this week and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Man, He's good!

I got a 26/26 on my accounting quiz (in which I didn't have time to study for, so I was going to use it as my drop grade...well not anymore)
I feel like I did Ok on my accounting test yesterday...maybe I will get a good grade in that class after all.
My dad and I ate lunch together today..we needed time to catch up..we will have to do that more often (we both ran out of time and had other committments to get to)
Sean makes me laugh...he has a new pet (Mullet) lion and Mullet will be joining us for our trip in the future. He has special powers. It gives him (us) something to do.
I get paid...but I have to pay my bills
Went on a field trip today to a printing was AWESOME!! I think I would like to work in a place like that.
I got a comment from my sister..(made me that warm, fuzzy feeling again) thanks, gena

and the list could go on...but I am going to take a nap (another thing I am thankful for) extra thankful for the time

God is working on me!!! (to that I am thankful)

I am so thankful today. I try to be thankful everyday, but I especially thankful today for all my friends and my family. My dad and I have a wonderful relationship...I am greatful! He is always there for me, even when we disagree. I have found that being open with him has helped our relationship so much. I used to hide things from him and it got me no where, but where satan wanted me (which was to think that my family was against me and that they would not understand). My dad has been through most everything that I have been through and if he hasn't my mom has or he knows someone who has. When I have problems it is so helpful to have my family and friends behind me even if it hurts them at first. It is all better in the long run.

Things I am thankful for:
Relationship with my parents - for teaching me about God and for bailing me out financial when I can't help myself
For Gena (my sister) and the time you gives to let me be in Davis's life
Carla and Nathan- the loving relationship that they have..I am at peace that she will be taken care of
Carrie - is not battling mono and doesn't have an eating disorder anymore
My grandparents - they love me so much and would do anything for me
My friends- for the hugs and ears of listening
Bob- God using him to open my eyes to see God working in my life and for his patience and understanding
Bryan- for listening when he has problems of his own and being patient with me
Ms. Melanie- cooking for us every week and giving me hugs for being my second mom
Casey and Tracey- working with the students. I have seen so much growth in our ministry...I am so thankful (casey..God is working)
I am thankful that I have a place to live, a car to drive, a bed to sleep in and a job that pays my bills (most of the time-but God always comes through for me).

I have so many reasons to be thankful...if I dwell on thanks than disappointments I feel so much better.
I am going to try and do that more...forgive me if I write about it a lot more..since I tend to write what is on my mind.


Today has been a long day. I thought about many things and prayed a lot. I am struggling with my purpose or where I fit in things that go on in my life everyday. I want so much to be used by God, but I feel like I have pasted up so many opportunities and have let him down. Right now, I am struggling with the right thing to say and do in particular situations and want to do what Christ would want me to do. But I found out tonight that I am not as as knowledgeable in the scriptures as I need to be. The Bible says be prepared to give an answer and I was not prepared. I want to make more time to study the Bible. I want to be prepared to give the answer and not just a get off my back answer but the right Godly answer. I am where I am right now for a reason. I am thankful that He is able to use me and I want to be used by Him. Bob reminded me of how I should be thankful in every situation or as the Bible would say "In ALL things". I am trying really hard to be thankful. God is by my side every step of the way and that is something that I am VERY thankful!!! He has always been there for me, even when I am not there for him. I would not be where I am today if it was not for him and for that I am GREATFUL!!! I know a few people are reading this and I want it to be honest with everyone. I want to be used by God and if I am not being the kind of person that I need to be to accomplish this PLEASE, help me!!

Thanks to ALL the people that have guided me toward God and have been Godly influences in my life. You are truely a blessing to me and I want to thank you for that!!!

Sometimes I wish I didn't have to grow anymore. I think I am big enough...oh wait we are not talking about size.

We have been talking on Wednesday nights about being strangers in the world for Christ and why do we suffer for God? Suffering is not pleasant but it is something we chose because we are choosing to follow God. We are not suffering in the sense of pain by a cut, bruise or anything of that nature, but suffering by choosing right from wrong, cool and uncool, acceptance and rejection. I feel that suffering has gotten harder since I have gotten older. But Dave reminded me today that it is not necessarily that it gets harder but that the devil works harder to get those that are following God because the devil knows he has already won those who follow him. So if we are following God the devil is going to work on our weaknesses to get us to follow him. We have to be strong even if it means suffering, such as giving up things that we think are important but not good for us. I am in the position to put the past behind me and move forward in the path that follows God. I have lots of friend that have not helped me in my walk with God and I need to not let them consume me. I can still be friends with them but not hang out with them or take part in the sinful things that they are doing. It is not easy but that is where the suffering comes in. Even in that suffering I have to remind myself that there is a reward waiting for me..HEAVEN!! If I suffer for God and do his will then I will be with him one day in Heaven. That day can only come soon enough. Sometimes when people are worried about death and dying, I think that if I am ready I will not need to worry about that. I hope that I am ready when he comes again or if I die before that time that the legacy that I will leave behind will be peace (to those left behind) that I am going to be in Heaven. I am struggling with being the person I need to be for God and the example I need to be for those around me. Some days I feel more ready to go with God than others, but I am striving to be ready everyday. I want to be consumed by God. I want as many thoughts as possible to be on Him and His will for me.

I am reminded of the scripture that says: " I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me." If I let God be by may side every step of the way, I will not be alone and I can accomplish anything!! That means make it through the suffering.

Thanks to my friends for being by my side every step of the way and encouraging me. I see Christ with me helping me along the way when you are there. I believe that he put you in my life right now at this particular time for a reason. I love you guys!!


We (sean, dave and I) went to watch the movie Ray tonight. It was good movie, yet long in my opinion. Sean said apparentally you have not seen the Lord of the Rings...but I said that was a whole different kind of I am still to the conclusion that it was a long movie.

I was impressed by the success that Ray Charles had, but I was especially impressed by his wife. She was an awesome women. The whole movie I keep saying WOW!!! she is a wonderful wife and she puts up with some crap. I only hope and pray that someone will love me as much as she loved him. She put up with his addiction to herion, him not being home very much, him ignoring his children and not going to their events, but most of all she put up with the fact that he was cheating on her. This cheating was not once but multiple times, even to the point that he got one of the women pregnant. I have to say WOW!! In society today, there are alot of people that have troubled marriages and will get a divorce when the going gets tough, but not this women. I think that if she could endure that then some of the women who are looking for a way to get out of a difficult marriage for minor things should look at Ray's wife and say that is love...I can stick this out. I only hope that when and if I get married that I will find a person that will love me like Ray's wife loved him. I know everyone has their flaws and that we are by no means perfect ...but love should conquer all!!! ( not to say that marital unfaithfulness should be put up with) But we shouldn't cop out when the going gets tough...God is not going to gives up more than we can handle...even if we think so.

My dad always tells me that when things get tough and you are choicing God, you might think that he is giving you more than you can handle but really he just has a lot of faith in you..obviously more than you have in yourself. (which is definitely my problem.)

I did alot of thinking during the movie. It was a good break from everything and a great time with my friends.

To all my friends..HANG IN THERE...God is lookin out for you and remember that love conquers all!!!

It is of my favorite days of the week when I don't have class. I like Fridays because they begin the weekend and I don't have to get up early the next day (saturday) which means I can stay up as late as I want. We have been going to movies on Fridays and I love that makes my Fridays even better.

Although yesterday was a good day as well. A few weeks ago, I entered a poster contest for a ceramic sale that the art association was having on campus. I placed in the semifinals, so I won a piece of pottery. I was so excited, because when I had critique in class on the poster there was not very many people that liked it. Did I say I AM SO EXCITED!!!!

I also had lunch with one of my classmates and invited her to church with me. I am glad that I have made a friend in my class, because sometimes I feel like I just go to class and leave. Also by knowing people in my classes I feel like that means I am getting somewhere...and you say where is that...well you start having classes with the same people on a regular basis when you are in your guess what that means for me!!....I am starting to develop a major and getting to know the people in my I am getting close to graduating!!. I plan to graduate in December 2005. ( lord willing). But making friends and seeing light at the end of the tunnel has helped me realize I can do this and that there is Hope. (which was once lost)

I am enjoying my Friday. We are going to see the movie Ray tonight. I think it will be an enjoyable time. It will be something I can write about later.

Today was an interesting day....I have decided I have a sleeping problem. I have fallen asleep at the most random moments the last couple of is really getting annoying. I fell asleep in class today...unitentionally...and I have a line down my paper to prove it. I fell on the couch mid typing too..this is really getting on my nerves.

But I am feeling better now. I have had a lot of good laughs today!! No fish tank incidents, though...thank goodness. :)

Today has been an overall good of the better ones I have had in a which I am thankful.

I have had a few deep conversations lately, which have made me want to study my Bible more. I think the Lord is testing my faith.

Sean's question of the day about what tv or movie character do I think I am the most like, really made me think for a minute about what I focus on and who I am or want to be. I hadn't really thought about that much. But after thinking about the characters and Casey asking us tonight where do we tend to displace God's hope, I realized that a lot of the reason I want to be these characters is because I see the hope they have or the wonderful life they have (in most of the situations of the characters I liked). I need to put more of my hope in God as to what the future will bring than in myself and the goals and ideas I have.

Today was a good day. I had the best nap I have had in a long time. It was in the tv room (imagine that....sean and dave didn't bother me). I went to class until 12:15. I had a quiz in accounting...that class is so HARD! I am glad that i only have a few more weeks of it, but i have to pass so I need prayers!!!! Graphic Design is fun (which is a good thing since that is my major) I am working on a book for my final project. I am thinking of doing a children's book for Davis about our family. I think that it would be cool for him to have, but we will see.

I raked leaves this afternoon and then took another nap...the nap was unintentional. (no, really it was...) I have been watching the movie that Sean recommend...Enternal Sunshine for the Spotless mind. It is very interesting.. I am little confused at times but it is not bad...considering some (most) of the movies in the independent film section are not on my favorite movies list. But I like Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet so that help the movie alot. Although I am not a fan of Kirsten Dunst..once again I am not too impressed with her.

I have some homework to do but it is mostly project...which I plan to do this weekend...yeah right what am I thinkin.

GO REBELS!!! (I still love you anyways Casey and Tracey...I will forgive you this time). I know the afternoon with be filled with GTs!!

Saturday evening was fun getting Sean and Dave to watch "The Prince and Me" with me. We especially enjoyed the lawnmover races. Wouldnt it be cool if we took our lawnmower to class and chained it to the bike holders. No...wait...yeah it would be funny..kinda of like a mopede.

Staying up late on a Saturday night it a normal thing, but getting up on Sunday mornings at 8 am is too...I teach the 1st and 2nd grade class. They are a great bunch. We have popsicles and lots of fun learning about how we should teach others. Which is really cool that we talk about how to treat others in Sunday school and then we talk about it in worship only on a deeper scale. I really enjoyed Casey's lesson in Sunday morning worship. It was very moving to me to understand that I have to be rejected by the world to accept God. Being cool and popular are not important, being loved and accepted by God are. I have struggled with this a lot in the last few years while being at Ole Miss. I have to think about what is important to me and what I am willing to give up for God. Do I want to fit in or do I want to share my faith and be different? I feel different on the inside but do I look different on the outside? I want to be all I can be for God and put everything else in order of what God wants me to do.

I am so blessed to have a family to help me on my path to God and being more Christ-like. I am thankful for my very best friends and the time that they give to me. GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME, ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD!

I really dont know what to do with this blog.. I just wanted to add a comment to a friend's blog and this is where it took me.

It is a Saturday afternoon and I am watching SEC football...(a typically saturday happening for me). I feel I deserve to relax since I detailed my car, did laundry, cooked lunch, helped a friend (a few times), took a nap (a regular event) and ran errands. Busy day...yes, you would be right....definitely deserve to relax.

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