I asked a friend last night what do you do when you feel hopeless and the respond I got was "Where could I go but to the Lord?"(if you know the song, you know the rest) But I continued the conversation... with why is it not that easy? I am a person that wants to fix things now or asap. I am not very patient when it comes to situations that I have to wait for a response. I know I need to pray and wait. But I think my biggest problem is I have a feeling a doubt in my mind...why I don't know...but I do....I was reading Mark 11:24 and it says "Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Believe is a big word in this passage. Do I really believe when I pray? or am I just asking (praying) to say I asked? Just like it says in Matthew 7:7 Ask and it will be given to you....
Then I read passages like...John 15:4 says Remain in me and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
He will take care of me, He will not give me more than I can bear, He will never let me down, He has a plan for me .... so why the hopelessness? pain? hurt? depression? disappointment? numbness? I have decided that they are part of life, but they don't have to be my life. Jesus felt all of these things, but He remain with God and BELIEVED when he prayed and He was able to complete His mission.
I feel hopeless but am I going to let that be me? Right now, it has become me and all the other things I listed have too but I have been praying and I am going to stop letting it be me! I want to give it all to God and let take care of me!
Today I am thankful for:
People who love me in spite of myself (they love me even when I am not loveable)
The honesty and trust that I have found in my close friends
the prayers and long talks that many have provided for me
a God that never gives up on me, even when I don't give him a chance
today... a chance to start over
We had an Let's Start Talking training meeting today (like we have every week). We have been talking about fundraising a lot. I must say it is definitely a faith building experience. We talked about the Attitude, the Approach and the Appreciation we should have when fundraising. It was very interesting to me how it tied in with the idea of working for the Lord. Our attitude should always be as if we are working for the Lord (Colossians 3:23). I have never really connected working for the Lord and fundraising in that since. But I understand now that is we are working for the Lord even in the since of fundraising that it will happen (Mark 11:24).
My faith has grown so much (even though this is not my first time to raise money for missions) this time in the fact that I have really had to pray a lot and rely on God to work. He is working...we have money coming in!
I pray that I will be able to work as if I am working for the Lord no matter what I am doing! I hope that you will do the same....think of what the world would be like if we all did this?
Today I am thankful:
friends
family
people that give for mission efforts
prayer
the Bible (He knows just what to show me and when)
I have often wondered as many of you probably have too... Why do we (society) have to set aside a day to tell people we love them? I have often wondered what it would be like if Valentine's Day were everyday in a since. Valentine's Day is everyday with God! He is always sending us blessings and always tells us (by showing us) that he loves us.
Tell those around you that you love them today, BUT make it a habit to make everyday Valentine's Day. (and just see the "real" Valentine's Day as a day to go the extra mile...but you can throw those in more often too)
THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS BEEN THERE FOR ME THE LAST FEW WEEKS (as always)! I AM TRULY BLESSED TO HAVE YOU ALL IN MY LIFE! YOU ARE ALL MY VALENTINE'S FROM GOD!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!
Little did I know that when I took God seriously the devil took me seriously. We have a vision quest at the student center, where we set goals at the beginning of each semester and set out to achieve them by the end.
My goals were: (to help your understand where I am going with this)
1. Grow Closer to God
Reading my Bible everyday
Pray specific prayers
Tell at least one person everyday about RFC (Rebels for Christ)
2. Get In Shape
Do 50 sit-ups a day
Drink 5 glasses of water a day
Run at least 1 mile a day
3. Get a 2.25 GPA
Do at least 2 accounting problems
Go to class (this might seem little for some, but if you know me it is a great task)
Read one subject's notes each day
4. Be Less Selfish and Less Negative
List 5 thankful each day
Do one specific act of kindness (go the extra mile)
Write 2 notes of encouragement a day
Well as you can see I have a lot to live up to. But I wanted to push myself, so I set goals that I really wanted to achieve. So I have began reading my Bible everyday (at breakfast if possible) and writing in my journal. But I feel like the closer I get with God the harder the devil is on me. I feel him pulling on one side with God on the other. But I feel that even though I have been working on my relationship with God, I have not let God consume me because the devil is getting in. I am really struggling with feelings of disappointment in myself, but feeling animosity toward varies people. I am feeling discouraged and I know that these are feelings of the devil. I have been listening to a song on a CD that I have that is called Yes Lord Yes. It is an up beat song, but lately I haven't felt so up beat when listening to it, because I am singing something I haven't done or let happen. The song goes "I am trading my sorrow, I am trading my shame and I am laying them down for the Joy of the Lord." I am trading my sickness, I am trading my pain and I am laying them down for the Joy of the Lord"....Yes, Lord, Yes...Amen...I am struck down but not destroyed; persecuted but not abandoned. My sorrow may last for the night but His joy comes in the morning.
He will never let me down! I love this song, but I don't feel like I do it. I know that loving God with everything in me will help me do this. I have been praying specific prayers, so I am looking for answers from God. I have prayed with those around me, but I still feel that the devil is more prevalent than I want him to be. I am just venting or should I say confessing (since that is what we have been studying about on Wednesday nights). I need prayers of those around me that I will be able to keep satan as far away from me as possible. And that I will make decisions based on what God wants me to do, not what the devil wants.
Today I am thankful:
My parents, their support for me even when I mess up
Sean, Dave, Matt - I don't know what I would do without you guys. I found out what real friends are like when you came into my life
Casey and Tracey - listening to me and putting up with all the tears. Casey, praying with me!
All those that helped pass out flyers last week (James, Heather, Dave, Casey) - we planned seeds, Let's pray they will grow!
The power of God's forgiveness! (man, an I lucky!)
That God's power can overcome satan's evil ways
Remember Satan can get only as close as you let him and the same is with God! So, I guess you have to ask yourself who do you want closer? You can't have both!
This has been a few interested days or should I say weeks. I have been really challenged in some areas and blessed in others. So I thought I would share a few moments of my thoughts in these instances.
I got an email from a young lady that I read the Bible with in the Urkaine about 5 years ago. (I will be doing the same that I did in the Urkaine in Argentina this summer and that is practicing English using the Bible) In her email so she began saying I miss you, I hope that you have not forgotten me because I could not forget you. You are the one that told me about God and I have been so blessed. For you I am thankful. It just made my day. But I know that God put me in the right place at the right time. Her family was baptize, as well, after I left the Urkaine. I am so thankful that I was able to share the Good News of Jesus with her and that she feels blessed by knowing Him and me.
School is teaching me patience. I have a presentation, 3 tests and a quiz this week. I have study more this semester than I think I ever have. Sometimes I wonder why I keep at it, but I know that I will be thankful in the long run. I have had lots of support along the way and I am very thankful for that.
One more interesting thing...I have a job interview in Nashville next Friday. I am filled with mixed emotions. I know that it is getting close to time for me to be making adult decisions and move on to the next stage in my life. I have been telling myself for a while that I am ready for this. Well after talking to the lady about the job interview, I all the sudden wasn't ready anymore. (in a sense) I want to get a job and to have my own place, but I want to do it when I am ready. But I know that I have been praying that God will work in my life and that I will do what He wants and not what I want. This might be what He wants, so I have to be ready (like Abraham) to pack up and go. (of course, it won't be as drastic as Abraham, but you know what I mean). I am looking forward to this opportunity. One positive thing about this is that I have a job right now and if I don't get this one I will still have opportunities to look for another before I am a position where I am desperate and without a job. Lots to think about. But that is a week and a half away and I have to think about this week and focus on each day at a time.
Today I am thankful for:
my dad (he is awesome) I am more and more thankful for him everyday, God could not have put a better person in my life to fill this role
being about to pay my bills
the people that have given me money for my mission trip this summer
making it through giving blood yesterday and not passing out (I prayed ALOT and God was with me every step of the way and Sean too)
being able to get an education
being able to walk and exercise
the things that my grandparents have taught me along the way (and for showing me what a Christian marriage looks like)
TODAY!