Happiness??

How do we achieve true happiness? How can I be happy? And what makes me unhappy and can I prevent it? These are questions I have been asking myself lately. I often sit and think, where would I be if I had done things differently about 5 years ago. Most of you know that I took 3 1/2 years off from school to work and to try to get my life in order after a few trials. But this decision has haunted me every since I made it. You see, I was at a private Christian school for my freshman year but I was "unhappy" so I decided to return to Oxford and go to Ole Miss. Due to this decision, I lost a semester's worth of hours and the major that I wanted was not longer offered about mid way through my sophomore year. To make a long story short, I have been haunted by people asking me why I didn't stay at Freed-Hardeman ( with the comment to follow you could be married by now if you would have stayed), when are you going to graduate?, but it doesn't stop there. I deal with comments like your younger sisters are all going to graduate before you; why don't you date, you are never going to get married, then there is always the flip side when you get married, and the most common one lately is you will never move out of Oxford, you are always going to work for your dad.
So I guess you are wondering where I am going with this. I have struggled with depression in the past and have a fear of struggling with it again. But I am really struggling with what makes me happy and wondering why if I am happy why can't people be happy for me. For example, being single is not always easy (especially when you have two younger siblings that are married), but a lot of the time I enjoy being single and being able to go and do the things I enjoy without having to check-in first. I will admit that there are times when I would like to have someone to go and do all the things I enjoy with me. But I feel like the people around me are more concerned about the fact that I am not married. Then there is the whole leaving Oxford and finding a new job thing.. I do want to get out of Oxford, but every time I hear you aren't going anywhere it makes me want to leave that much more just to prove a point, but then I question am I doing this because it is what I want and it will make me happy or am I just doing it to prove those around me wrong.
I can't change the decision I made to come back to Oxford for school, or the decision to take time off from school. I will never know if I had stayed at Freed, that I would be married. I don't know where I would be if I had finished school 5 years ago.
But I do know that I will graduate in December and that I will finish what I started almost ten years. I am looking for jobs outside of Oxford, but I don't know if that will happen. Being single is the point I am at right now, so I have to accept that.
Now that I have rambled on, back to my question...
I want to be happy more than anything and I want to be content with the decisions that I made in the past and make the most of them now, but I am not sure exactly how to do that. I think my biggest problem is that I want what I can't have and it is starting to consume me.
I have tried to be reliant on God and trust that he knows what is best, but I am sad to say that the voices around me are louder than His.
How do I keep those decisions from the past from haunting me? How to I rely on God completely?
I know that the answers are not easy, but maybe someone has some advice to help guide me in the right direction.

3 Comments:

  1. Anonymous said...
    Ann,

    You know how much I love you my friend...So, I'm going to be a little blunt.

    The decisions that you made in the past are what make you who you are now. If you had stayed at Freed and got an MRS degree. You'd probably have kids now. There is nothing wrong with that. However, that is not the plan that God had for you...If it was, you would have stayed at Freed.

    Just think about all of the good work you have done because of your decision to leave Freed without a husband. You have been on multiple mission trips. Would you have been able to leave a "professional" job/husband/children in order to carry out those missions? Just think of all the people the Lord has touched through you. How many people have a new hope in their life because you taught them about God?

    I am very proud that you left Freed. You have touched MY life through the way that you live yours. If you had stayed at Freed or left Oxford....We would never have met.

    Why are you not married? Because the Lord hasn't brought the right person into your life. I had always heard that you "just know" when you meet that person. I didn't believe it...But, it's true. It is like God flips a light switch on and says, "HELLO, this is the one!"

    But, being single doesn't make you more or less able to live a happy life and those people that are telling you that it does should be ashamed of themselves.

    One of my friends here in Fulton nagged at me when I first moved back home because she was married and expecting her second child and I was still "single." She acted as though it was a disgrace and that I was going against the will of the world....Later, she called me crying and told me that she was actually jealous of my life...That she loved her husband and her children, but that she often wondered what her life would have been like if she had not been afraid of leaving undergrad without a husband. That is unhappy....

    All of this to say...I love you lots and I'm happy that you are the person who you are...Don't let those nagging voices get to you...Keep you chin up.

    Love,
    Carol

    P.S. Call me if you ever need to vent...I've got a great ear. =)
    tracey said...
    Amen there, Dave. I think this is something we all struggle with -- "If my life looked like this, then I would be happy." Not knocking what you've said, Ann, 'cause we've all been there.
    Anonymous said...
    NIV Job 28:20-28
    20. "Where then does wisdom come from? Where does understanding dwell?
    21. It is hidden from the eyes of every living thing, concealed even from the birds of the air.
    22. Destruction and Death say, `Only a rumor of it has reached our ears.'
    23. God understands the way to it and he alone knows where it dwells,
    24. for he views the ends of the earth and sees everything under the heavens.
    25. When he established the force of the wind and measured out the waters,
    26. when he made a decree for the rain and a path for the thunderstorm,
    27. then he looked at wisdom and appraised it; he confirmed it and tested it.
    28. And he said to man, `The fear of the Lord--that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding.'"

    NIV Proverbs 3:5-8
    5. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
    6. in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
    7. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.
    8. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.


    NIV Proverbs 4:10-12
    10. Listen, my son, accept what I say, and the years of your life will be many.
    11. I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths.
    12. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble.

    NIV Proverbs 27:5-6
    5 Better is open rebuke than hidden love.
    6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

    NIV Proverbs 27:9
    9. Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel.

    NIV Ecclesiastes 2:26
    26. To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God.

    Sometimes we can not trust the longing of the heart because they can lead us away from God. The devil is wise in using the scriputre against us, Prov 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. You need to be wise for Satan is tempting you like he did Jesus. He his trying to drive a wedge between you, God and your trusted friends. You need to be prepared to answer Satan as Jesus did with scripture and focus on trusting God's ways. Be courageous and trust God. The way to get through the pain is by changing your focus. Dwelling on what you can not have will only make the sadness increase. Occuping the mind with new opportunities or other current positive opportunities while turning "the one you want" over to God to solve is showing faith in God. Pray - Lord give me the power to change the things I can and the ability to turn lose the things I can not and the wisdom to know the difference.
    The problem with woulda, shoulda, and coulda's is you can not see or feel the heart ache involved in the other option. You can only see the the positives you would have gained. Satan has the ability to blind us and make us sad with this dilusion. Focus on the positives gained by the option you chose and I believe you can good reasons to be happy and rejoice with that option.

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