dancing in the rain

Today was an interesting day....first off it began with a wierd night of going to bed at 6 am....I couldn't sleep....got up at noon so half my day was shot....so how could it be interesting from that point on.....
I went out to my dad's business to take care of a few things...I got to see my grandparents, my cousins, my uncle and my dad....I had some very interesting conversations with all of them....
I will give you a little background....I worked for my dad as his office manager for 3 1/2 years....I left there about 2 years ago to pursue my degree in graphic design....but every since I left they have requested me to come back....so everytime I visit I get bombarded with questions (all out of love) like when are you coming back, why did you leave, look what happens when you are not here, etc...but sometimes it makes me feel like I let them down and that I need to go back...but right now I feel that that would not be the best decision for me....
Another topic came up about family....I am pretty close to one of my cousins that is here in Oxford and I was telling him that I dont hang around when there is alot of family because I dont like crowds (born into the wrong family) and I don't like drama. There are mixed emotions about relationships that I have with different members of my family....I like spending time with them (but when I want to and who I want...is that self-fish?). I guess the bottom line is I feel like with family they have certain expectations of me...I dont want to face that pressure....when most of the time when I go home it is to get away from drama, work and expectations....high hopes I guess.
I have decided I don't like holidays...Christmas stresses me out...I don't have any money and don't feel right about asking for things I need that are expensive when I know that my parents can not afford it.....Thanksgiving is our big extended family time and things are just not the same as when I was growing up....we have grown our separate ways and it is like we dont have anything in common anymore...( I am one of two in my age range that is not married)....the same goes for most every big holiday that I can think of....

how do I fix these feelings? how I overcome these situations? why do I feel this way?

Today I am thankful for:
My granddad feeling better (he said he prayed harder this week...:) )
My granny her ability to cook for poppy and for always loving me
Relationships with my cousin that I can get advice
My dad giving me money to get my tires balanced
People that love and care about me
Prays answered by God in my best interested even when I don't know exactly what to pray for